"You don't think like me anymore, you don't act like how I think you should; therefore, no matter what part you had in my life (even if pleasant), you are no longer needed or wanted. You can't sit with us."
This is a quote from a friend of mine. This is what he felt a close friend communicated to him when they excluded him from an important aspect of their life, for no other reason than his sexuality. Both my friend and the one who excluded him are Christians.
My friend also said, "For whatever reason it hurts. Kind of like a small excommunication." My friend has been out and in a healthy, loving, monogamous relationship for several years now, and has managed to find a church where his spiritual well-being is fostered and supported in the context of his undisputed sexuality. Even in a place of confidence and strength, after doing the hard work of establishing boundaries and reconstructing a healthy spiritual life, something can come up on Facebook that cuts us down at the knees. "Just when I think that I am well adjusted and confident in being gay, things creep back up on me."
The truth is it's not a "small excommunication." It's deliberate, and it's bigoted. Somehow this superstitious idea has come up in many of the circles I have been a part of that one person's sinful behavior has negative, supernatural, hocus-pocus ramifications for others, often based on things as arbitrary as "being under the same roof as each other," and most commonly manifested by spooky dreams. I don't see any kind of substantial theological framework for that, nor do I see how that is a productive means of working toward change and understanding in each other's lives. The truth of the matter is, all of us idiots are sinful little shits, and we should be readily inviting each other to celebrate the goodness of God in each other's lives despite the sin that pervades it. Odds are, I think you're being sinful in an area with which you feel completely comfortable. This can go both ways.
And after all, "...who can know the mind of God? or who has been his counselor?" "...For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."
Instead of all this woogedy-woogedy fear-mongering nonsense, I think we should all take steps toward recognizing our own inability to comprehend the lives of others, and then act with humility and repentance. My friend's final thoughts were this: "When you give to and love others, and are taught to put others first, and then they don't return that courtesy: it is these kinds of little deaths I find myself dying over and over. I just have to let go, and look for the love that is in my life and resolve to still love and be open to those who may have turned away from me."
The idea that one person's sexuality makes them unfit or unsafe to be a part of another's life is absurd, and endlessly hurtful. Unique, different, unfamiliar sexuality does not equal sinfulness, debauchery, perversion. Please stop making decisions about your housemates, your weddings, your families, your church memberships, etc. based on the sexuality of an individual.
There's a word for that: discrimination.